On the turning away...Pink Floyd..

On the turning away
From the pale and downtrodden
And the words they say
Which we wont understand
Dont accept that whats happening
Is just a case of others suffering
Or youll find that youre joining in
The turning away

Its a sin that somehow
Light is changing to shadow
And casting its shroud
Over all we have known
Unaware how the ranks have grown
Driven on by a heart of stone
We could find that were all alone
In the dream of the proud

On the wings of the night
As the daytime is stirring
Where the speechless unite
In a silent accord
Using words you will find are strange
And mesmerized as they light the flame
Feel the new wind of change
On the wings of the night

No more turning away
From the weak and the weary
No more turning away
From the coldness inside
Just a world that we all must share
Its not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that therell be
No more turning away?

On teaching!!

Today, I attended this department colloquium on teaching tips and heard the presentations of 3 professors. They spoke about a lot of good points. One of them pointed out the importance of making the class enjoyable, interesting and said that he does not believe in taking attendance; rather he builds incentives into attendance. As a strategy, he does not post many things online so thOne of them stressed on authority and professional distance. He was more on control and control of the class and with a patronizing attitude that well...you also have access to me but this is the distance. His concession and great gesture was giving his home phone number to the students. Well...more on this later....

On caring..

Its become chic..noveau to talk about caring. Do you care? Can you care? Who cares? Indeed!!!

Do I care? How do I know I care? Is it related to sacrifice? What have I sacrificed from my life, my position to make a statement to myself that I cared?

Let me read Marquez's nobel lecture once more...

More questions..

Ah!! How can we as critical scholars (ahem!!! am I one?) find space for articulation in the academy? A learned scholar said "with the definition of communication department as economic entities there is no place for ideology on the academy". True..but then in the larger scheme of the university, let us see what the modern day university aims for....has its philosophy not tuned towards making money? Is not a university a big business? money spinning entity? On a similar scale, the engineering colleges, the medical schools, big business buying stakes, creating endowment funds...so when we are operating under this environment, making a living in this system, where are our ideologies? Does this mean all of us in this system have lost our ideologies? Compromised? Burnt out bridges as they say..? Does that mean we should not articulate about the loss of ideologies in a critical space? Of course we should..but then does that make me a hypocrite in some sense...? By articulating am I trying to justify my own existence? Does it give me a space for working out my inconsistencies and my own development?

Our identities are academics, as practitioners is interrelated to our own lives, our families and their life paths. In that negotiation, we do make inconsistent decisions, inconsistent not with our general wellbeing but our ideologies..does that make us hypocrites?

The question of stance...in my role as a critical scholar, have I not taken a stance already? My stance might not be a clean one but is one which is a negotiated one, a constantly pulsing patchwork of commitments, sacrifices, articulations and changing positions brought about by my diverse thinking and increasing exposure...So, when as an academic I raise the question of existing in a department which is uncritical of economic logic...where am I going? What are my options? How much guts do I have to take an option? Or my life is a constantly interchangeable, malleable collection of positions in which the only thread is my raising of critical questions? Can I be happy with this life?

We with our access to knowledge and our incessant articulations have become slaves to it and our words are replete with multiple meanings. This is a very privileged position. This means I can choose different meanings as per the person, the situation or my argument and I deconstruct the way I want to. Smart!! But what are knowledge laborers and knowledge producers? I would hate to belong in either category....maybe I am a knowledge consumer!! ;)

Does my articulation of critical theory from my position negate myself?

think`

How do I get people to think about their own situation? I might be faulted here for assuming that they do not, so let me try to re-frame. How do I inspire people to think about some particular situations that might be impacting their lives? Again, I could be faulted here by asking how do I know so much about what impacts their lives? My doctorate degree tells me......Ah...this is difficult. Anyway, we will go into that in a later phase. How do I get my daughter to think? By involving her in a play, a game, a contest, something she is interested in (why is she interested? because it gets her some tangible/ intangible reward, benefit..) and by her participation in the exercise (for lack of better word!!), by her engagement she is driven to thought. I did not do anything here, I just used my so called "expertise" to invent a game/ an exercise/ provide the necessary resources because I have them. Compare this to the child reporters process in Koraput. What did we do in the CR process? We provided resources, were at hand to listen, to respond if someone reached out and asked them to think and write. Keeping questions (who are we ask them etc..) aside, if we can provide resources (no questions asked), be around whenever someone reaches out, inspire with our selves, then maybe people can engage at various levels, engage with different levels of consciousness, ask questions that were never asked before.......inspire themselves.....will this also bring social change...?

Reading critical theory

why do I tend to be dismissive of the people who are of privileged backgrounds? why do I feel, that the very fact that person is from a privileged background disqualifies him or her to champion the cause of the subaltern? Is it a reflection on myself? Or is it plain, pure jealousy? Postcolonial scholars as a rule come from the same privileged background that they criticize and continuously disown. Their research is exemplary, their words make meanings, sense, they cry out for social justice....but they live the same bourgeoisie lifestyle..Bapu said, be the change that you wish to see in the world. But with my comfortable diggings, life, access the highest form of academic articulation, how can I speak about deprived people, the subaltern, the marginalized. I who never have known hunger and at present am never short of food, what can I speak or write about hunger apart from restating the obvious? Is it the sophistication of my language that makes me unique? I feel more inspired by the one gesture of my bourgeoisie cardiologist father who treats poor patients for free and gives them medicines than all these glorious statements of the scholars. Why am I bent upon taking a holier than though attitude? Is it dismissive? To what level of consciousness must I rise up to....Telling daily to understand my privileges and get rid of them, I revel in terms like solidarity and reflexivity but still drive the 22,000$ car and stay in a million dollar home, use the best of technology and work on the indigenous people....how much of a hypocrite am I? Is this not hypocrisy? .....Maybe I am missing something here...let me read more and analyse...Lord Krishna says,

" कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन।

मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोस्त्वऽकर्मणि॥"

Paradigm I belong to!!

Am I a positivist? Is this internal tension within me to find the right path? Do I ascribe to a certain set of knowledge because I think that is the right thing to do? Does that make me a positivist? So, what does it mean really to not be a positivist? Who constructed these terms anyway? Can I live my life claiming to co-create reality and construct as it happens? Then, how do I get involved if I do not have a stake? Are these naive questions or an attempt to engage in theoretical sophistication? In the end what do I value most and which is my political position? Am I afraid to get pigeon holed into a category?

In this search and turmoil, why am I continually coming to 'holier-than-thou' position time and again and that becomes a position for me to privilege my approach/ thinking and dismiss the rest. Isn't that what politics is all about?